I talked to Lyn tonight. I called and then me and Don went over--the guys had gone fishin�-- She said that they are doing something this weekend and Tabby is going to be in Rockland so Bobby said, �Take Aub� Marcus said �as if she�ll go with me. She used me.� He was just joking around I�m sure. But I told Lyn why I really left that morning. I hope she tells him so he can build his little ego back up. I�m sure I won�t be going with them wherever they go this weekend. It would be nice, but I just don�t think Marcus could deal with my independent nature.

So we went over there and just as we were starting to leave the guys showed up. I was heading out the door and Marcus says �are you guys leaving all ready.� And I said �yes, I gotta pick my mom up� and he says sure. He says, �if you don�t like me anymore just tell me.� And I could tell he was kidding around. I said who said that. Then I asked him if he was feeling a little insecure. Little does he know that I want him so damn bad it�s not funny.

Rose called my mother today and I was not the least bit interested in hearing how Stan�s freaking out. Again. I�m moving on with my life and he is no longer a part of it. It feels good to be free and single. Especially on Friday nights when we hit the pool hall.

I just hope he lets me go without a fight. Donna mentioned something today that I never even thought of. That on the Friday night that he�s home he�s going to go directly to the pool hall. He knows we hang there every Friday night. I said no problem. I�ll just find some guy to go with. Then I realized what would kill him the most would be to go with James and make James act like he�s all over me. It would kill Stan. And James doesn�t really like Stan anyway so he�ll do it for me. I just have to start hanging with him again. I hope Stan just lets me go though. I feel like I wouldn�t go back to him now even if I found out it was all lies. I like my freedom too much. I missed it.

I told Lyn that I might call her tomorrow night just to chat. Even though I know we have nothing to chat about and I�m just feeling insecure. I think she knows that. I�m going to try not calling her. I have the willpower, I know I can do it. I�m going over Wednesday anyway to go shopping with Lyn. I�m going over to my appointment--Pat�s going to be so disappointed in me!--and then I have to pick up the TV in Oakland so I�ll just swing by and pick Lyn up to go shopping. I don�t think Marcus and I will ever resume any kind of friendship again unless we�re both drunk cause we both got too much pride and ego. Who knows, who cares? It�s not worth the trouble anyway. Okay, I�m lying, the sex is definitely worth the trouble.

Held Back--Let Go

Clix me!

days until Stan goes to basic