my internet had been very limited, it seems to be back up so I will put my entries in, in order now if it lets me
Boy, oh boy. Am I a little fucked up in the head or what? Pat is going to lecture me and I just don�t want to hear it. She has always encouraged me to stay the hell away from Marcus because of diseases and things and I went and did it anyway. Oh well, there is nothing she can do anyway. It�s my sex life. We used a condom, she�ll just have to get over it. I don�t even want to tell her about it. I think if I do, I�ll just tell her flat out to skip the lecture, I don�t need it.
I think it would help if I wasn�t rebounding from Stan. It would help a lot. But oh well, it�s too much to worry about right now I guess. I want to call over to Lyn�s tonight, but I�m trying to convince myself not to, she�s going to get sick of me calling all the time. I can�t help it! I think I�ll only call if I get a letter from Stan or something. And if I do call, I�ll just say I�m calling to make sure she still wants to go shopping tomorrow. Not that I think I would be fooling her at all.
Why do men have to be such assholes? I�ve always wondered that.
Stan has gone nuts. I guess he got the break up letter today and now he�s lost his mind. Oh well. I feel no sympathy for him. He wants to come home and �clean some clocks�. Yay! He�s so damn stupid. I�m just afraid that if he does come home, he�s gonna like stalk me or something. He�s not a stable boy and I don�t even want to deal with him anymore. Even if it wasn�t true about the girl--even though I truly believe he did do it--I still wouldn�t want him back. I�ve tasted freedom again and I like it.
And fuck Marcus too. I�m so through with men right now. I don�t give a damn if he�s mad at me anymore. I still want to fuck the shit out of him, but it�s just not worth the guessing games.
Hopefully, Lyn will come with me to the pool hall this weekend. I�m assuming I�m not wanted wherever the guys are going, and Lyn�s got a baby-sitter for the night, so she said if she doesn�t go with them, she�ll do something with me.
Men suck. All of them. Now Stan�s going to rat Walt out to Nancy about Donna. I just think he�s got too many problems. I can�t deal with them. I don�t want to deal with them. I just want to have the freedom to go where I want when I want and have any guy that I want--that guy on the avenue would be good for a start-- I don�t know anything anymore anyway. I mean, I want Marcus for sex, but he�s just too hard to figure out. Too much ego.
I realize now that I just wasn�t ready for a relationship and that�s all Stan did want. I wasn�t ready to settle down. Being single again now, I wonder if I ever will be ready to get involved with someone on more than a sexual level.
I guess I just don�t know anything anymore!
at my house right now!