What is wrong with me????
Oh boy. I should have stayed home tonight. I went over to Lyn�s cause she had left me a note saying it was important. Guess who was there. Three guesses and the first two don�t count. Oh man. One look was all it took. Marcus. I�m just like Jell-O now.
What does he have that makes me crazy?? I love Stan. I know that now. I was so happy last night and I�ve missed him all day, but when I saw him tonight it was like �Stan who?�
No, that�s not fair. But he does have something that I don�t think Stan will ever have. I just wish I knew what it was. Lyn wants me to come over tomorrow night and I�m sitting there hoping that he�s going to be there. What�s wrong with me? To be completely truthful, if he wasn�t such a slut, I probably wouldn�t think twice. Well, I would think twice, but I don�t know if it would stop me. And that�s an awful thing to say, but it�s true. I�d feel guilty as hell afterwards, but I think I�d still do it. Of course I don�t have to worry about it since he is a big slut. It couldn�t have come at a worse time. Cause now that I�ve admitted to myself that I�m in love with Stan, my mind is searching for an excuse to get me out of it.
The worst thing is that if I go up tomorrow and he�s there, I�ll be all freaked out over him, and then get up in the morning to go to Sarah�s party. Which Stan and I have both been planning to be a special night for us. I�m disgusted with myself. I hope I get a chance to talk to Donna in the morning before Stan gets there. I need to tell someone. All it is, is lust. I know it. I just can�t help it. Maybe I should just stay the hell away from him. It�s not so bad I guess. Not as bad as it used to be.
It was just the initial shock of it I guess. I didn�t expect him to be there. Not to mention the fact that he was looking good!!! When I think about him it�s bad, but if I avoid it, it�s not that much. Before it used to totally consume my brain at just the sound of his voice.
Maybe it�s cause it�s like unfinished business to me. It�s like, I never got what I wanted from him so it�s not done yet. But it has to be cause I�ve got Stan.
I don�t know but I just better stay the hell away the whole four months that Stan�s in basic or I could get myself into some serious trouble.
Best not to think about it I suppose. I do love Stan and I think if came down to it, I couldn�t do that to him. I�d be forced to break up with him, and I don�t want to let him go right now so I just wouldn�t do it.
HELP!!!!
Held Back--Let Go
Clix me!
days until Stan goes to basic
at my house right now!