Donna wants to go to the pool hall tomorrow night. I don�t know if we are going to be able to or not. It depends on how late her mom works. I wish I had some damn money. I could have a beer. It would be my first purchase of an alcoholic beverage since I became of age.

I need to get drunk. Okay, so I don�t need to get drunk, but I want to. I�m so sick of everything lately. My mom is constantly on my back or bitching to me about things I can�t even control, Donna and Sarah are getting more obvious about wanting me to dump Stan cause they feel more threatened the stronger I feel about him, Stan�s mother blames everything he does wrong on me. I just need a vacation and a couple of stiff drinks, is that too much to ask? Apparently.

I guess what I really want is to move the hell out. And it�s nothing that my mom has done really. I just want out of here. I guess what I want is to get up to the Augusta area. And since my mom just doesn�t seem to be moving fast enough to find a way, I want to go on my own. Too bad I have no income huh?

Someone once told me that if my mom wrote me a note saying that I couldn�t live with her anymore that I could get on the state. Then I was thinking that if I could just get on housing or something that my mom could stay with me for a couple of months without anyone knowing and then she could save up the money to move.

Of course she would never go for it. She�s too damn honest. Even when it comes to an emergency. And that�s how bad out financial situation is now. It�s an emergency. We need to get a cheaper place out there so we can save on rent and gas. So what does she do? She looks at 500 dollar rents. That�s what we are paying here. It won�t save us any money.

She says that the cheaper places are all too small, that we will never fit all our stuff into one. Donna, Sarah and Tammy all just moved into a tiny little trailer with all their junk and they are managing. Because they had to. If Mom looked at it that way we�d be up there by now. There is no way that we are going to be able to save up $1000 for rent and deposit on these places that she looks at. I tell her, if that�s what she wants and she won�t go any lower, then she might as well not even look. I really don�t understand her.

By the time we get out there Stan will be fucking gone anyway. I get so damn aggravated. She doesn�t understand. And she�s so damn worried that I�m going to have sex. Oh the horror, her twenty-one year old daughter wants to have sex! If I didn�t I would be wondering what the hell was wrong with me.

I just wish there was a way to make my mother see that we cannot afford to live in a place that lives up to her snobbish tastes. Now, I�m picky, but I�ve found some cute places. She says they are all too small. Fuck her. Something has to give. I just want to get the hell out there. Preferably before Stan goes to basic.

Held Back--Let Go

Clix me!

days until Stan goes to basic