Yesterday was one hell of a day. It was a good day I guess, but it was a strange and confusing day. We had my family reunion and Stan came. It was okay. Stan and I went for a walk down back and I took a last look around down there. I�m going to miss it when they sell it. It was so nice and peaceful down there.

Then we I went back up to Gardiner to bring Stan home and then he wanted me to go to this party someone was throwing for him. That turned out to be a bust. Everyone went off and threw their own personal fits for some reason. Donna found out some stuff about Walt. We don�t know how much is true or not. We just met the girl who told us all those things so we don�t know how much we can trust her. At first Donna got really upset and when Walt came over she was a total bitch to him. It wasn�t until the ride home that she started wondering if things were even true.

So she came up with this story that she�s going to tell him. She�s going to say that she had run into Scott that day and they fucked around and he had asked her if she had been with anyone else and when she said she had, he grabbed her and said �I don�t want anyone�s sloppy seconds.� And that�s why Don was mad and took it out on Walt. She made me tell Stan that story already so she better not change her mind. I don�t want Stan to know I lied, I feel bad enough about it as it is.

Then after I brought Donna and Sarah home, I went back over to Stan�s cause his mom wasn�t going to be home and he wanted me to come back. We watched movies and shit and I told him the bullshit story about Scott and Donna. I kind of feel bad cause I was acting all ugly cause I had to or he�d know I was fibbing. And he was doing everything he could to make me feel better. We were laying on the couch and he was behind me and he started kissing on my shoulders and stuff and I told him to stop cause it�s my time of the month and he knew it. He said he just wanted to make me feel better and he knew that nothing was going to happen. So we just fucked around and when I told him to stop, he did. I was shocked. I at least expected protests. I suppose it upped be being able to trust him a notch.

I did not want to leave last night. At all. And that scared the hell out of me. I wanted to just stay there all night and I never want to do that. Usually, I just want my sex, an occasional cuddle if I�m feeling insecure, and then I want to leave. WHAT�S WRONG WITH ME???

I want to be with him constantly and when I�m with him, I want him on me all the time. I�m beginning to think that I might be in the beginning stages of falling in love. See, it�s not so scary if I say in the beginning stages. It�s like saying there�s still time to--as Reba says--pull my heart out from under the knife.

I�m afraid that if we all go to Sarah�s party, that might be the point of no return. HELP!

Oh well, I suppose I�ll have to cross that bridge when I come to it.

Held Back--Let Go

Clix me!

days until Stan goes to basic